For those who struggle with intimacy, these next tips are for you:
1. Start intimacy outside of the bedroom.
In what way does your spouse KNOW that you seek them at the deepest level? Do you hold their hand on a regular basis? Do you pull them over for a kiss now and then? Do you leave them a note saying how much you love them, and why?
Intimacy is not just for the sheets. Intimacy was made for the soul. Find different ways to communicate to your spouse that they are still the one you desire!
2. Schedule together time
What the what? You probably heard "schedule time for sex." If I'm anything like my marriage counselor stated, I'm not some microwave that turns on when you press the buttons—although men most definitely are. Women are like ovens. For the most part, we need time to wind our brains down and focus on our spouse. We try to juggle the kid, classes, the house, our jobs, and all other things you can imagine, that it's hard to relax when we are on a time crunch. The solution? Schedule together time! Even if it's for an hour, give yourself a chance where you can properly "preheat," and seek your spouse without any outside pressures getting in the way.
3. Be naked
I can hear you laughing. Trust me, I did too when I came across this in my psychology studies, but hear me out. If we want to increase sexual desire, we gotta go back to Adam and Eve.
Take the time to hold each other naked unashamedly. Studies have shown that not only does it help release oxytocin (the "woohoo" hormone), but it also INCREASES body image and self-esteem. I mean, how hard is it to feel bad when your spouse has seen you in your birthday suit and thinks you're a fox! Even so, what a better way to put good memories into being naked, versus bad ones? As a sexual assault victim myself, it's comforting to think about the GREAT moments I've had naked, versus the bad one. All goes without saying, this one might need to be taken gradually, but it will certainly help more than you'll ever know!
4. Pamper yourself
We take the world on, and then some. We rock the messy-buns and black leggings more than any other people on the planet. But don't forget that we can be sensual too. We need to fuel the "spouse" and "lover" part of us. So, what does this mean?It means taking time to connect with who YOU are, and who God made you to be. Shave those no-shave November legs. Make it a point to style your hair the way that makes you feel sexy, or wear an outfit you feel confident in! Buy some lingerie, or pick out a pair of cute heels to wear. Now, before I get nasty emails, let me clarify—you DON'T need to worry about your appearance, or need to do these things to feel sexy. What I'm saying is, pampering yourself can make you feel more confident, relaxed, and self-assured! This way, when intimacy does come, you're not barred by insecurities.
5. Connect spiritually with your spouse
When was the last time you prayed with your spouse? What about sharing your heart and soul - the deepest places of your being? Sometimes connecting our life-purposes and coming together spiritually is a wonderful facilitator of intimacy, breaking through our hardened shells. It can be scary to open up to your spouse in this way, but know that sometimes we are our own worst enemy when we don't connect our souls.
Intimacy can be wonderful - let it permeate every part of your being